Children are resilient enough to bounce back

April 16, 2017

It's good to talk sometimes even a stranger can make more sense than someone you have known a lifetime.

For example, I was at a Birmingham  Kings Heath, Gym in the pool at a time when many of the mosques were under police guard due to world events.

I found myself having a chat about world event with a young black Muslim man and about family life, and in his case being brought up in care and not knowing his mother and father.

At the age he was, he was mature enough with his experience to date to say his parents were too young to be parents.

Like many kids today at some point they just accept their situation for what it is and just get on with life.

For some, their experiences without growing without a father or a mother have had an emotional impact on their adult life, and in some cultures even more so when it comes to young boys, becoming a man without a biological role model in their life to show them the right of passage to manhood.

For that reason over the years in some communities of parents with absent fathers, they have tried to substitute a biological father with Male Mentors for those boys and girls without a father or a male role model in their lives.

I learnt a valuable lesson in speaking to this young man a stranger to me, with such maturity, it is understandable when a father who was forced to be an absent father during the growing up of his kids, in some cases for many years,  for such a father maturity to say that not all mothers are wicked or bad minded. 

Likewise, it is also acceptable for a father  who is mature enough to be understandable if a mother remained fearless in her standing by her decisions, in saying “no” regarding her baby  father not  having any type of relationship with his kids, if she genuinely feels that her kids would be at risk, the same risk’s that can easily be proved by the law of the land, or by some agencies relating to children social services.

However, the day will surely come one day as night follow a day in a child's life when many kids will be mature enough to accept their parent's or mothers decisions for who they were at a particular moment in their own lives and judge them accordingly.

Since many mothers have been willfully guilty of interfering with a child's relationship and their fathers, by using direct tactics or indirect tactic, like what we now today as Parental Alienation Syndrome.

A syndrome that can be very difficult to prove when you have unwilling or untrained professionals who have been instructed by Family Law Judges to do a report on any child as part of an ongoing Children Matter, with parents who cannot see the wood's for the tree's, in what is in the best interest of their kids life, that they both brought into the world together, regardless of the politics or issues between them.

However,  many kids are resilient enough to have a life of happiness, for which many adults who grew up with or without a mother or a father, even if they were together as warring parents, in front of them for many years, can testify to that themselves personally.

However, regardless how long they live,  they will always have a missing chapter never to be repeated of a missing childhood with a father and mother or both.

And trust me if you were forced to be an absent father, such memories of your kids will be missing during the twilight years of your life when such memories can be a real comfort for an ageing parent or a father.

But I guess that is what society call "is just LIFE", that will either make you or break you, for which some mother and father can testify to as well, since they have repeated the same destructive behaviour in their own kid's lives, behaviour they learnt as children as victims to their parents lack of ability to be mature for the sake of their kids long term interest.

So the cycle starts again, innocent children becoming a statistics of a broken family system, that society does not seem to have any answer for, and even worse those who should know better because of higher education or religion. 

My own personal experience that I will never forget is when it was said: "How sad it was to see two Black Professionals fighting over a little boy who should know better".  

When I look back,  I have to say it was a shameful and painful time of my life, for which I will say I had no control over or did I, and could that be the reason I took the actions I did, well the outcome will speak for itself one day for themselves.

However, kids should never be written off, based on any sad experiences without parents, since many kids have still lived successful lives, and in some cases done much better than many kids who had a reasonable and perfect life with both sets of parents. 

As, a hopefully mature person myself, I think it's only right that I SALUTE those mothers who have done right by their kids, including absent fathers,  who many mothers would have written off and for good reasons.

For those absent fathers who made poor personal lifestyle and choices for themselves, especially when they were young men, fighting to be a man with all the peer pressures around them and lack of a role model to show them the way to be a good father.

That in some case could have had a destructive impact on their kids lives when growing up, but such mothers left the parental doors open for those fathers, and they had a choice to take up the responsibility of being an absent father or a real father to their kids.

To those mothers, I personally salute you, since I wished I had those parental doors open to me.

As an absent father having thin skin if my son or daughter said to me one day, especially if they were victims of Parental Alienation Syndrome, "Hey Dad I did it without you", I personally would feel the shame and feel that they had just thrown me under a bus.  

Because some mothers tell their kids their version of events leaving a troubled child ending up rejecting their father without giving a father who had no control of the situation, a chance to try to make some memories of a father and his kids.

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