Saying the right thing when someone passes away...

March 15, 2017

I was catching up recently with a friend who as a very big man compared to me, lost his mum recently.

I said to him that those of us who use to have the privilege of a ministry, or we visit friends and family, we always seem to find the right words, or at least we try to find the right words to comfort someone who has lost their Mother or a Father or a loved one.

But the truth is, is that you never know what a person is really feeling, or their emotional journey of losing a family member like a mother or a father until it happens to you because we are all different and we all feel the pain of the loss of a loved one differently.

Many years I remember trying to comfort one of my spiritual fathers by saying, I know what you are going through after losing his wife because I had lost my son baby Kyle a few years earlier.    

He replied you know Walter you are wrong because the pain of the death of a wife who had been by his side for over 50 years was very different to losing an 8-month-old child.

Because the Bible says in Genesis 2:24 - New American Standard Bible

V 24 for this reason, a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Many of us have experienced the day when we got a call or a knock on the door to tell us that our loved one like a mother or father has died, or they are dying.

Sometimes it is only then you have really understood, of the many people you have spoken to in the past that the words you use to share may have had little value, depending on how receptive they were to your kind words, with good intentions.

Because when it happens to you, it really hurts, and sometimes if you are a spiritual person, then the only thing that can be of comfort is the scriptural hope of seeing them again or knowing that they are in no more pain or suffering anymore.

Or it may be just the comforting sound or words of a friend saying things they feel will be of comfort to you.

That is why it is fitting to remind ourselves that even a Perfect Man Jesus wept when his dear friend Lazarus died, so why not we ourselves show emotions, even if to some it appears a little embarrassing. - New International Reader's Version (NIRV) John: 35 Jesus wept.

As my mum use to say, “the person who knows it feels it” until you are wearing a person shoes, we have no right to comment on how a person grieve after losing a loved one, because in some cultures it is a just natural way of mourning the dead

I know of bigger men and women compared to myself, who like me after many years still, miss their parents, just like a Minister I interviewed for a project I was doing, that at the age of 90 when he was being interviewed, he still miss his mother.

At the end of the days, there are two things in life that none of us can hide from, and that is Paying Taxes and Death.

 


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